I had a birthday last week. It was a great day. There were phone calls and texts sent to me with everything from simple Happy Birthday messages, wishes and blessings for a great day of celebrating to memes, jokes, and puns about the ‘age’. They were all fun to read and I shed no tears about that number.
I have not been upset about a birthday since my thirties. The night before I turned 30, I sat in a rocking chair with one of my sweet babies in my lap and rocked and cried. And I mean I was crying – my heart ached. I was not where I thought I should be in life, my marriage (previous marriage) was on the rocks, and financially I was strapped. I loved the Lord, I had given my life to Him several years prior, not long before my 19th birthday, and I trusted Him. I just didn’t know where this was all going and I was tired. The following year, the night before I turned 31 and the whole day of my 31st birthday I cried and I mean the sobbing, red puffy-eyed, snotty-nose, head aching, heavy chested crying. I was now in my thirties and nothing had changed.
I had no reason to be upset on this birthday, the 59th one, except maybe denying that this is the last year in my 50’s. In fact, at this season of life, my friends and I often talk about celebrating the whole month of our birthdays. I mean, we earned it right? Time has marched across our faces, our bodies, our lives and made us face our uncertainties, our fears and taught us that it all works out in the end, inside beauty is more important than outward appearance, to TRUST in the Lord and that experiences have developed our patience. Ok, ok, that last one – the P-word – is a stretch, but He is still working on me.
I was asked, in one particular conversation last week, ‘What was your best birthday ever? Because next year, on your 60th, you should top it.’ So later, when I had some time to think about that, I let my mind trail the years. I’ve had some pretty good birthday memories. They don’t include adventures such as climbing Pikes Peak or a Great Barrier Reef Scenic Flight, but they were filled with hand-made cards, proud little hands and hearts delivering Pop-Tarts for breakfast in bed, bouquets of pretty weeds and flowers from my own gardens, family cook-outs and fun cakes. And that is all I ever wanted – to be surrounded by people I love and who love me celebrating my time on earth.
But my best birthday ever? I couldn’t pin it to a day celebrating the day of my birth into this life.
It was April 12th, 1986 at a little country church. I can still smell the slight musty smell of the church house, the message of love and hope that would be gifted to me, upon my asking, from a God that loved me exactly where I was at the age of 18 and who wanted to carry me through this life with a love that could not be matched by any earthly being and to celebrate the milestones with gifts that could not be matched by any worldly experience.
April 12th, 1986 was the day I asked Jesus to be my Savior and Lord. April 12th is my ReBirthday. And that day can’t be topped. That day I was given a gift that truly keeps on giving. He asked for my ‘ick’ and gave me beautiful promises. And while I have been selfish and at times picked back up my sinful nature – my selfishness, my doubt, my judgmental attitude, my discontentment with things – He has never failed to honor His beautiful promises to me and allow me to lay my ‘ick’ back down at his feet.
I can’t possibly list all of the wonderful gifts that God has given to me, but they include…
Breathing the very breath of life into my lungs physically and spiritually.
He is the God who Sees me – all my needs, my hurts, my celebratory moments and the things that I have managed to surrender to Him. He saw my crying at my 30th and 31st birthdays and reminded me of my Rebirth at 18 and while I was aching, he was, behind the scenes, working all things for my good.
He is the all-powerful God who reigns over this earth and stands against the ways that Satan comes me in my life.
He provides my real needs – wisdom to make right decisions – like when to keep my mouth shut, courage to open my mouth when I should and share the truth of His gospel and a desire to follow Him regardless of the outcome. And I have never been without the necessities, food, water, shelter and friends.
He gives me peace so I am not afraid. When nurses were running down a hallway with my 5-week old son who was not breathing in enough oxygen to sustain his life, when I survived a botched surgery from a surgeon operating under the influence that led to a year of repair surgeries and recovery time and when we lost our home in a flood in 2011, He gave me that peace that it was all going to be okay. I didn’t understand the peace that I had, but I knew God had given it to me. And I knew that one day I would be able to look back and use those seasons of my life to comfort someone else in theirs.
He protects me from near misses, near collisions, and so many other scenarios that I am not even aware are happening.
He is always with me – He will never die. He will never leave me or forsake me. When I can’t make sense of what is going on around me, He let’s me know that He is aware and He is using it for His goodness.
And most importantly the gift of His Son, Jesus Christ, who left is Father’s side to live on this earth, endure the very experiences that we endure, and to give his life to be the ultimate sacrifice to pay the price for all the things that I had done to break God’s heart. He sent His son, who willingly came, to pay for the heartbreak that I had caused Him.
And one day – because I asked Him to forgive me and because I have allowed Him to love me first and I choose to love Him in return – He will call me home to be with him for eternity.
April 12th, 1986. That birthday event can’t be topped here on earth, but Oh! what a celebration it will be when I reach the feet of my Savior!
“I tell you the truth, unless you are born again, you cannot see the Kingdom of God.”
John 3:3
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.”
John 3:16
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